Your spouse asked for a divorce. You had no idea it was coming. You thought that your marriage was going well. Yes, you had moments of disagreement, but what couple doesn’t have that? It shocked you when you found out your spouse wanted to end the whole thing.
Then you found out the real reason: Your spouse was getting involved with someone else. Maybe it was a co-worker or a friend or someone from a social group. As that relationship took off, your marriage was a casualty.
During the divorce, your spouse gets custody of the children. You still get to see them on the weekends, but the court did not want to disrupt their routine and allowed them to live with your spouse, in the same home you both lived in during the marriage. That keeps them in the same schools.
What you really think is unfair, even though you do not dispute the math, is that you also have to pay child support. You earn far more than your spouse.
So, to recap, your marriage got taken away from you without warning, you had to move out of the house and you started seeing your children far less often. Your ex, meanwhile, got to stay in the same home, with the kids, and he or she immediately started a new romantic relationship. On top of all of that, you have to pay your ex every month, with the threat of jail time hanging over your head if you don’t.
It feels unfair. Paying money to your ex so that he or she can live the life that you lost. It causes resentment and anger and you do not want to pay.
The mindset shift
How you feel is absolutely understandable. However, to make you feel better about paying that child support, you need to change your mindset slightly.
Remember, you do not have to pay money to your ex. You have to give money to your kids.
After all, they had nothing to do with this. They probably wanted your marriage to last. They still love you and enjoy spending time with you. You still want them to have the fun, happy, carefree childhood that they deserve.
Your role as a parent stays intact. Do not get frustrated, thinking that your money goes to your ex. It goes to your kids, and it’s your way of giving them a great childhood where all of their needs are met. Nothing should stand in the way of that.
As you can see, divorce gets complicated both emotionally and legally. While working your way through this process, make sure you are fully away of your legal rights and the options you have. To put your kids first, it is often best to set your own emotions aside and work with your spouse to find solutions that promote the children’s well-being.