How can you bring up a prenup without getting dumped?

A prenuptial agreement is something you have always wanted, ever since you started thinking about marriage. You have nothing against your significant other; you actually decided you wanted to use a prenup before you met them.

You just think it makes no sense to enter into a legal contract without having some say in how that contract works. By using a prenup, you get to protect yourself and make your voice heard. That is important to you for many reasons.

Even so, you feel nervous to bring it up. You have no idea how your significant other feels about the idea. What if they hate it? What if they break up with you? You absolutely do not want to ruin this relationship, you really do want to get married and you absolutely hope it doesn’t end in divorce. What should you do?

Be honest

First of all, be honest and explain yourself. Tell your significant other how long you have wanted a prenup and why. Explain that it has nothing to do with your specific relationship and that you do not already think the marriage will fail. You may be pleasantly surprised by how they react when you explain your position.

Offer assurance

During the conversation, stress that you love your significant other. Make sure they understand that and do not stop saying it. The reason people react negatively to these documents is that they think it shows that the other person does not care about them. Work hard to counter this false assumption.

Talk about your personality

Maybe you’re a very organized person. To you, a prenup is just one more way to organize your life. Tell your significant other why this feels right to you, understanding that they might not feel the same. Everyone is different. Trust that they know you and love you and will understand where you are coming from.

Start with the benefits for them

You do not want the conversation to feel like an attack — “I want a prenup to protect myself from you” — so it helps to start out with the way the prenup can help your significant other. It can protect them from your student loan debt, for instance, or the risk of starting your own business. When you open up with this, they can see that you’re really looking out for both of you. You’re not just trying to take advantage of them.

Moving forward

You may still have a difficult, slightly awkward conversation, no matter how you bring it up. If it goes well, though, your significant other will understand your point of view. The next move is to learn about all of the legal steps you need to take to draft that document before the wedding.